Transformers: Dark Of The Moon Review

Like a Decepticon invasion, Dark Of The Moon attacks mercilessly, leaving no survivors. It's Michael Bay's most explosive movie by far, and considering Revenge Of The Fallen and Armageddon, that's damned impressive. Dark Of The Moon, (which conspicuously lacks the word "side") is loud, shocking and at times actually good.
Let's not go nuts, though. Within the first five minutes of the movie, you'll see what could have easily been a trailer for an entirely different movie. First there's some behind the scenes footage from Apollo 13 wherein lab-coated bespectacled men track some sort of mysterious craft as it crashes into the moon. Then, in a rapid series of cuts between 3D CGI versions of President Kennedy that are so realistic you'd swear it was an actual physical JFK Android, and stock-footage from the era, the audience is told that the entirety of the space-race was all about getting a hold on this alien technology before the other side did. Some people might be awed by this, but it's not a new idea. Everything from Star Trek to the '90s PC-Game Battlezone postulated similar (and more imaginative) versions of this idea.
Speaking of Star Trek, Leonard Nimoy is in this movie. Which, from a Transformers fan point of view seems rather natural. After all, back in the '80s he voiced Galvatron in Transformers: The Movie. If you're not familiar with this movie, I'll simply say this; Optimus and Megatron fought to the death, Optimus won, and then died (kind of a Pyrrhic victory if you ask me). Megatron was so badly injured that he required a complete systems upgrade. This upgrade was so substantial that it not only changed his voice from Frank Welker's to Leonard Nimoy's, it also entailed a name-transplant (perhaps his name circuit got some schmutz on it). So Megatron became Galvatron. And now, Galvatron's voice is coming out of Dark Of The Moon's "Sentinel Prime".
If, upon hearing Galvatron's voice, you assume that Sentinel Prime is a baddie, you are astute. Sentinel Prime's betrayal of the Autobots is so obvious that he might as well have red eyes and horns.
Early on, an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series is playing on a TV being watched by one of the million and six characters in the movie. Then, Leonard Nimoy, speaking through Sentinel Prime quotes himself from Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. Then, later still, Bumblebee (who still can't talk because Ratchet is terrible at his job) excerpts Leonard Nimoy's voice from Star Trek II to tell Sam that "he has and always will be his friend".
Based purely on these elements, you might assume that this movie is amazing. That would be a foolhardy assumption. It's certainly funny at times. At one point Ken Jeong shows up and for a brief period makes the movie awesome. Then Alan Tudyk shows up and again, for a brief period, the movie is awesome. Aside from these sporadic moments of greatness, there isn't much making this movie worthwhile.
There are moments of stunning visual impact during the destruction of Chicago sequence (which goes on forever). During the human counter-attack Josh Duhamel and his crew-cut compadres soar through the air over the city while under fire from Decepticon aircraft. Yes, the robots that transform into vehicles also have vehicles of their own (can a Cybertronian marry his car?).
If you were ever annoyed by the product placement in a movie, this thing might drive you to suicide. Everything from Lenovo monitors to iPads are fair game (actually, it might have been a Samsung Galaxy). A Decepticon becomes an expensive watch. Nearly every car has picked their side and chosen a name. Sam apparently uses Twitter and Facebook. Even the former "Sears Tower", now named the "Willis Tower" gets a name-drop (probably because the production required extensive use of the building when stuntmen were jumping off of it, and the proprietors of the building required them use their preferred nomenclature).
After the destruction of Chicago, Sam and Epps (the soldier who's not Josh Duhamel) get into an argument after arriving at the lakefront. This brief scene is the only point in the movie when the actors really seem to be emoting, rather than simply acting really hard.
As for the big question of whether Not Megan Fox can act, the answer is, yeah, sure, I guess. But it's nothing to write home about, unless the folks at home are really interested in Victoria's Secret models and their acting abilities. Not Megan Fox's name is Rosie-Huntington Whitely, whose name weighs more than her. After the extensive space-race introduction, the first image on screen following the title is Rosie's butt. Not complaining, just stating. It's a bit silly, and it certainly doesn't say: "Take this movie seriously".
At the end of the day, it's hard to hate this movie. But I think I'm up to the challenge. 2.1 out of 10

I was asked to write about this, so I did so.

So, I was trying to secure a freelance writing job, just to give my profile a good review so that I could attract better gigs. I found something promising and submitted my bid. The response was swift and positive, asking for a 500 word 8-paragraph article on "Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing", requiring that the precise phrase "Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing" be the title and be contained within the first paragraph with no edits of any kind including capitalization or punctuation. How do you tell someone that their requirement is not grammatically sound? I guess you could just say it, but I figured I could work around the grammar problem, and I did. So I wrote this.

Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing

Many of the health dangers present in homes and offices are not obvious. They can be undetectable, silent, and toxic. A bad filter can back up a system and produce carbon monoxide. Molds can grow in air-conditioners, heaters, humidifiers, de-humidifiers, microwaves, etc. If you're concerned about this, you can find a technician in your area by searching online for “Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing” followed by your city.

Some of these molds are actually quite dangerous. They can be deadly even in small amounts to people with respiratory problems or immune system disorders. Almost a fourth of the population of the world has some form of respiratory problem, from asthma to allergies.

Periodically testing the ducts can prevent such problems. It's important to use a licensed service technician, because there are almost certainly things that an uninitiated layperson would miss. These technicians use a small array of tools and equipment to study and clean any duct-work present in your home or office.

From high-powered vacuums to biocides, they remove anything clogging-up the works, and eliminate any hazardous materials. Just because you can't smell anything (carbon monoxide is odorless), or see anything (most molds are in dark, hard to see areas), doesn't mean there's nothing there. The technicians are trained to find anything that might be present.

It might be disturbing to think of, but sometimes insects and rodents can find a cozy home in a duct system, clogging it severely, requiring a thorough systematic cleaning. If this is not done, anything from the dreaded “black mold” to radon can be introduced into the home or workspace.

But, it's not just the possible future of these places that is of concern, even the past should be examined. Many old buildings still contain asbestos, which a good technician can find. Sometimes though, you'll need to ask for such an analysis specifically, as asbestos removal has become quite rare, as people often assume (wrongfully) that it's all been removed by now. Even NATE (North American Technician Excellence) or NADCA (National Air Duct Cleaning Association) technicians are not likely to consider looking for it, unless prompted.

Unfortunately, the internet has not kept up with service technicians, so you'll likely have a hard time finding comments on Yelp or similar sites about your local duct people. So, before calling them over, ask them about their equipment, making sure that they use HEPA filters and a good HVAC system. If possible ask for references. Ask nicely, and they'll likely be nice back. These guys want your business, and they'll be co-operative.

Remember though, that while this is a service that should only be needed once or twice a year, in the meantime, there are things that can be done to prevent these scary molds and gasses. Luckily, the same technicians that do these periodical cleanings are well versed in regular maintenance methods, and will happily talk you through such procedures. After all, it means that the next time you call them, their job will be even easier.

Then, after sending that off, two re-writes were requested. I figured, "oh what the hell" and slapped these together.

Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing

In modern, urban environments, two very common health hazards have become mold and carbon monoxide. Both of these can be very dangerous, especially to people with respiratory or immune system problems. The most common sources of these problems are ventilation channels. i.e. Ducts. To find someone to deal with these problems, search online for 'Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing'.

The most common problem these technicians encounter is mold. Sometimes even the dreaded 'black mold', which can be deadly in even small amounts.

Most molds, toxic or not, have no smell, and are frustratingly silent. You could probably taste them, but that is not a good idea, because molds thrive in dark and moist areas, and you know what's dark and moist? Your lungs. Simply put, know matter how curious you are, don't taste mold, no matter how tempting the mystery might be.

Old buildings are especially susceptible to molds, and often have ventilation systems that can easily release carbon monoxide. NATE certified or NADCA certified (North American Technician Excellence and National Air Duct Cleaning Association, respectively) technicians will be able to help with these problems.

These technicians can also help with another problem with older buildings, asbestos. If you're calling them to deal with an older building, it couldn't hurt to ask for them to check for asbestos.

Molds, toxic and non-toxic thrive in dark and hard to reach areas. Also, any moisture that is present for a continued period of time can look to mold like a good place to settle-down, have a few million spores and raise them to adulthood, when they'll in-turn release a few billion spores.

Air-conditioners are a good place to find mold. Furnaces and even space-heaters often have mold. It's important to note that humidifiers and de-humidifiers usually (notice that, they usually...) have some amount of mold. Almost any device that deals with air temperature and moisture control are a good place to find mold. Even an air-filtration device purchased for the specific purpose of preventing mold can become a haven for the very mold it is intended to prevent. This of course, can only happen if such devices are not maintained properly.

On the subject of maintenance, when you've got the technicians with you, ask them what you can do about routine maintenance. This will help prevent any problems from becoming disastrous, as can sometimes happen when dealing with molds and gases. Just do a search for 'mold infestation', and you'll find a number of significant incidents that almost always could have been prevented with regular ventilation cleaning and routine maintenance.

Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing

There may be deadly life-forms hiding in your ducts, lying in wait. These aren't aliens, or monsters, they're molds and gases. But luckily, there are highly-trained and well-outfitted experts available to eradicate these threats. They don't have a cool name like 'Mold Assassins' or 'Duct Duct Goose-Steppers', but they are cool nonetheless. Just do a search for 'Duct Cleaning Periodical Testing', and you'll be able to find a few such services in your area.

Now, just because you can't see, hear or smell these things, doesn't mean they're absent from your home or workplace. Most molds only present themselves in dark and hard to reach areas. This is why they are so fond of ducts. Air-conditioners, heaters, humidifiers, de-humidifiers and many other things that deal with air temperature and moisture control are susceptible. Even an air-filtration device purchased for the specific purpose of preventing mold can become a haven for the very mold it is intended to prevent. This of course, can only happen if such devices are not maintained properly.

It is of course, not just mold that can pose a problem. Rodents, insects, and sometimes, even birds can clog a duct-system and cause the release of carbon monoxide. Even a non-toxic mold, sometimes can spread so much that it clogs a duct enough to release carbon monoxide, or even create the ideal environment for a toxic mold.

If such things concern you (and they should), you can prevent them by periodically testing and cleaning your ducts. Not you personally of course, because no matter how good your diet is, you are most-likely too large to fit inside of and wriggle your way through your ducts to find all the hard-to-reach areas. Before you give-up and simply surrender to the molds and gases, you should remember that there are technicians who can help.

At least once a year you should have your ducts tested and cleaned. Some buildings, especially the older ones, need to have their ducts tested and cleaned more frequently than that. Since ventilation systems have become significantly more streamlined in the past few decades.

Older buildings also sometimes contain asbestos, which luckily any NATE (North American Technician Excellence) certified or NADCA (National Air Duct Cleaning Association) certified technicians can test for asbestos while examining your ducts.

When selecting your service, make sure to ask the technicians about their their certification. Also, check that they have the right equipment. If they don't have a wide array of HEPA filters, a good vacuum system, and equipment for testing for toxic gases, you should find another service.

Any good duct cleaning technician can also give you good advice on routine maintenance of vents and filters. They'll welcome the opportunity to tell you things that on their next visit, will make their job easier, and we can all appreciate that.

So now, it's the next day, and after a flurry of messages back and forth with this person or persons, and having written what I think is some pretty good material considering how stupid the prompt was, it's been over a day, and I haven't heard from them. So, I figure they're screwing me, so I'm just posting this here so that I can say "I WROTE ALL THIS IN UNDER A HALF AN HOUR." Imagine what I could do with a good prompt and motivation! 

Google's Filters Are A Trap

There was a time, in the mists of history, back before the age of Twitter, when you could tell someone, “it's the third link on Google”. But now, thanks to Google's well intentioned filters, this is no longer possible. With fifty-seven filtering elements, Google gives you what they (often very accurately) believe you are looking for.
    If, upon searching for “best price for shoes”, you click on an Amazon link, Google remembers this, and the next time you search for something, Amazon raises in your search results, which obviously, makes you more likely to click there. In many situations, this is exactly what you want. A search engine that knows you so well that eventually, you'll never need to look past the first page of results to find the site that you think you need.
    One problem with all of this exists, and it's a big one. The internet is unimaginably vast, with such a massive quantity of information, you could easily waste your life trying to find that one thing. While Google's filters make it easier to find what you think you want, it eventually may make it impossible to find what you truly want.
    Humans are multifaceted beings, from the brilliant to the dense, we all want to be more than what we are, and when we use a search engine, we hope that what we see at the top of the results are the very best and most useful sites our search resulted. But if you're looking to expand your knowledge of Ancient Greece by searching for “Socrates”, your search history may lead you to quotations from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, rather than The Stanford Encyclopedia Of Philosophy.
    While these filters can trap us in our momentary diversions, they can also become our best assistance in navigating the oceans of knowledge out there. If you're looking for information on pizza places, these filters will cleverly show you a phone number for a place that (odds are) you'll quite enjoy.
    But, if the idea of being trapped by your search history concerns you, there is unfortunately no way to escape them completely. Even buying a new computer will not eliminate them all, since your IP address range is one of the filters, and that is supplied by your Internet Service Provider. You could switch ISPs, but even then, your geographic location is still another filtering element. You could dial-up and connect with an ISP in Portugal or South Korea, but your computer's language is again, one more filtering element.
    If there is an escape from this, it will not come from Google themselves. These filters aren't just for us users, it's also for Google's advertisers, who rely on these clever filters to get their advertisements to their ideal customers. If we, the internet wish to broaden or enhance our search results, perhaps forcing the results to be more of what we need than what we want, we need to do it ourselves. We must consider the consequences of our internet behaviour on our future (more enlightened) desires.
    Or perhaps, someone will come to our aid. A good idea might be a kind of Google Portal, designed by a third party to filter out the silly or stupid links that we are inclined to click, and present us with literate and intellectually challenging results. Or, failing that, maybe we could hire the smartest and most interesting person we know to use our computer for a few days to “smarten-up” Google's helpful little filters.